Keepin My Head Above Water

ALAS, LIFE REBOOTED!

Doctor Ragnarok . says (11:18 PM) You went through hell, and you are a figure I look up to when I need a hero. because while it may not have been the lesson you -intended- to depart, the one you’ve left me with, anyways, was that there’s just never an excuse to give up or back down when important thing are on the line.
Doctor Ragnarok . says (11:22 PM)
“Do you know what my mother did, while she was going through school? LET ME TELL YOU A STORY….” I’d give them a *very* brief account of what I knew of the years after the divorce, and end with something along the lines of “…So unless you think what’s happening here measures up, quit bitching.”
Doctor Ragnarok . says (11:24 PM)
And now you know that you are the person I point to when I need an example of someone who had shitty odds and beat them pretty much through sheer force of will, and the power of friendship…Yes, you should write an autobiography. Everyone should have the chance to have you as a hero.

How does one go from HERO to being the worst person in the world? Such is life, a fall from grace? I don’t know, but I’m going to take the advice from the child who gave it. I’m going to write it. It is as much her story, and her brothers story and a story about two other girls–and I am going to write it.

It’s probably going to be called: Keeping My Head Above Water.
Or maybe…. The Pedestals From Which I Fell…. Or maybe they will be chapters… “Life REBOOTED”,  The UNLIKELY Ctrl-Alt-Delete! Oh, Wait–“The Ultimate Ctrl-Alt-Delete” , “Going, Going, Gone!”  “It’s all a Crapshoot, Right?”

I’ve been on more than one pedastal, it’s a place that no one wants to be because it is inevitable that the person(s) who put you there figure out that you are human after all. Then there is a ton of fall out. It happens with spouses, kids, and friends… Even when you tell them you don’t want to be there, there you are. In their mind.

The Angel that NEVER Was…. The Rebel that Was Before She Ever Knew the Concept.  Rebel Without a Cause, Because, She HAS ONE (maybe even TWO!)

A person just trying to survive the moments she’s been in, including those that her own choices created! That is doing what all other humans do… living, loving, hating,
making mistakes, not making mistakes, whatever.. I just live.  And so, I will write….(again)

See you next time on, “As The Stomach Turns…”  and “In My Very Public Life…”

More Thoughts about Trump as a President, Man, Molester & Thief.

One thing that came to me today. The argument that there have been Presidents that were as ‘not perfect’ as Trump is not perfect today. Really, I get to rob a bank and get a get out of jail card for free because there was a bank robber there before me?? Or maybe the people on the other side of the isle see me, and then I’m caught, and I’m in trouble anyhow?

You know, so much of this has to do with consciousness. I was in my late 20s and early 30’s when Clinton was in office. I had two kids-one of them had behavior issues. I was going through a nasty divorce with custody issues. I had just put my step-father in jail for hurting my oldest child. I was just learning about domestic violence in all of its forms. I was going to college and pulling in good grades. My ex was not helping with child support unless the state pulled him into court and threatened him. I was a single mom for 10 years, raising 2-4 kids (depending on the time frame.) Clinton passed welfare to work, and I didn’t get to finish the higher degree I wanted which bounced between Psychology, CIS (computers), or a mix of the two. I worked two to three part time jobs at a time to keep the bills paid.

I also started my own business of working on computers to make a living I’ll tell you it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I knew about Lewinski, and I thought Clinton was a piss pour choice for President. I was happy he was impeached, and I thought HIllary should have left him. But that was not my call. What I felt at the time was appropriate I think. So, Bill Clinton was not perfect. And that means we should let Trump off the hooK?? I’m sorry that that is really poor logic and YOU need to take a critical thinking class (YES! I’ve taken one, necessary for the degree I do have.)

We have something called a social conscious. This is something that we Americans have all together…or something the whole world has together. I think the idea came about thanks to Jung. But, don’t quote me on that. Either way, the idea is that an idea has come into the minds of everyone, and everyone kind of acts on it together. What I am trying to say is that we as a society, no matter how we rationalize Mr. Trumps behavior… if we look away, turn our backs, or say there were other bad Presidents too (as if that made any of it ok!) … His BAD behavior is still bad behavior, and he’ll make a poor President because of it, and no matter what you say or do, you all know that I am right! You all choose to look the other way. And I hate to say it, but I know some who profess a love of God. That just kills me. Because often they preach good behavior for the good of society, their home, school. They then feel they have the right to judge the rest of us for all the things we have done wrong, and then they vote for Trump and make excuses for him. You simply can’t have it both ways. Life doesn’t work that way.

You can call my ideas sick. You can call me a liar. You can tell me that I am overreacting. But the truth is, you know that I’m not any of those things. All I am is a person who sees a truth, and I am pointing out to you, your hypocrisy I’m pointing out to you that you sold us down the river. That our country will not be better off by having a perpetrator for President, and a porn star for the first lady. Anyone who believes they will be good for us really needs to look deep inside themselves and question their motives, and their ethics. Because not okay, means NOT OKAY, no matter how you twist the truth!.

From Wikipedia in Regards to Trumps’ groping women below the belt: “Grabbing a woman’s vulva without consent is considered sexual assault in most jurisdictions in the United States. Many attorneys and media commentators characterized Trump’s statements as describing acts of sexual assault. Lisa Bloom, a sexual harassment expert and civil rights lawyer, stated: “Let’s be very clear, he is talking about sexual assault. He is talking about grabbing a woman’s genitals without her consent.” Trump and some of his supporters claimed that Trump was not saying he committed a sexual assault, or denied that groping is sexual assault. Journalist Emily Crockett says that this is further evidence of a trend to minimize sexual assaults against women.”

And this ok with who??? Obviously I agree with Ms. Crockett. How could so many
rationalize Mr. (ahem, no gentlemanly respect intended) Trump grabbing of
a woman below the belt let alone vote him in for President.  Our society
has a sickness, and it’s healing must begin NOW!

No Melania Trump, I will NOT accept Mr. Trump’s apology.
There is NO need for me to accept the word of any person
who is a perpetrator of sexual assault!

When a woman is grabbed between the legs this is the message they receive:

I am not honored
I am given no respect
I do not matter,
my needs are derelict

There is no comfort
Everybody could see
He really didn’t give a damn
of how painful it could be.

I am not a person
I have no need for warmth
Not even human
Else he’d left me alone-

I was no better than a something
To be used over and over again,
He called me his, “Empty headed plaything.”
All that time I thought I was loved.

I was not honored
I was given no respect
How many showers later
Did it take to drive away the dirt?

It didn’t matter
All the times I asked him to stop
Once was more than enough

How many tears will it take
before you know that it was wrong.

The major conclusion-
I was not loved.
He used and abused me
And threatened more of the above.

I was not a person-
He told me I could not think
I was incapable of choosing
All that was right for me.

I was not honored
I was given no respect
I did not matter,
my needs were derelict.

©11/14/2016 Peggy Ann Rowe, All Rights Reserved.

The Nightmare: “When Trump Stole the Election”

  • I’m in a group for Women w/ PTSD. Our assignment (aka commitment) this week was to say something about a gift that our trauma caused us to have.  This past week has been mostly about waking up from a nightmare called, “The nightmare: The Day Trump Stole the Election.”   Maybe it’s an unending movie, think, “Groundhog Day.”

    I’ve been ranting, and raving… writing half hearted poetry, unending essays,
    integrating the trauma that caused the trigger (I hate that word) that Trump
    managed to set off.  I’ve been posting like some posting robosomething to this
    blog and my Facebook page…  Down with Trump, who by chance will NEVER,
    EVER be my President.

    For my homework the 1/2 done poem:

    To those of you who say I am sick, I say…

    I am sweet, I am honest,
    I am up front
    and in your face.
    I can be brutal,
    I am brave.
    I have courage,
    to talk about things
    you consider stupid.

    What you see as sickness in me,
    I see as a social malady
    After all consider this,
    It is America
    that created me (1962-??)

    All you see
    in the reflection of me
    is YOUR truth
    & you’d rather deny that be.

    I am strong,
    I shine brightly,
    I do not choose my battles lightly.

    I would not count myself
    As holier than thou
    I challenge your thought,
    Do you think of circumstance
    that cannot be bought?

    I’d like to think
    that you are closer
    to feeling the tear
    that fell down your cheek.

    I will scream
    I will shout
    I will do what it takes
    to get the message out.

    That people need to think again,
    If they think “The Don” is going to win.
    I have grit
    I’m willing to fight
    Any man willing to grope
    and grin.

    It’s not funny
    Please do not laugh
    I’ve got gifts a plenty
    they’ve helped me down my path.

     

    Gifts my abuse gave to me

    • Strength
    • A particularly big mouth
    • The gift of the poet?
    • A love of reading & writing
    • A lot of empathy
      Imagination
      Sometimes, Patience

    11/09/2016 © Peggy  Ann Rowe, All Rights Reserved

You are special to me

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Graphic, “I AM…” ©2016, Peggy Ann Rowe, All Rights Reserved.
DO NOT Copy without the author’s written permission. 
Thank you very much for the respect. Peg

Micheal Moore & Me

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d agree with this man about anything. Wow…. growing up can be so painful! lol

https://www.good.is/articles/moore-five-point-plan

A conversation between myself and a friend:

My friend: You do know he owns 9 homes? He IS one of the rich. I used to be a fan, but seeing how he hasn’t done a darn thing for the common good except make fun of others…I gave up on him.

My Answer: Yup, he found a way to make money. No denying that one. But, his arguments work and that’s what matters to me at the moment. It’s a rallying call, and it’s one that some people need. I need some grounding in this environment we call the United States. I choose to ground myself with the movement that started at the beginning of this election cycle…and I refuse to give into people who frankly, in my opinion, have no clue what the real people go through in their lives. I’ll never go back now… I’ve outgrown conservatism for the most part. It is restrictive, it stunts the growth, it is cold, it is righteous, and I have no need for it. It no longer clothes me, nor does it make me feel safe.

You Closed Your Eyes, You Shuttered Your Ears

(My answer to YOU voting in a perpetrator of sex crimes in as our next President of the United States)

(c)11/9/2016, Peggy Ann Rowe. All Rights Reserved.

You closed your eyes
You shuttered your ears
You did not see it
So it did not count

But if it were your kid
who got groped below the belt
My guess is that his face
Might have seen the other end
of your baseball bat.

You bought into the myth
You resigned yourself
You grew up to become
The people you used to talk about.

You sold out
You gave it all up
Now the lady we love
Can be tossed all about.

How will it feel
When you realize
That the bear did shit in the woods,
The tree in the forest did make a noise?

Hypocrisy is not pretty.
Silence is Golden
Complacency sucks
the life out of many

But you’ve gone and done it
You’ll need to own it
Someday you’ll have the chance
To dress YOUR daughter in it!

I’ve worn those big girl panties all my life
I’m the beginning of the backlash,
I’m the voice of the damned-
I’m reminding you of the child
You failed to protect.

You gave in.
You sold us out.
You pretended that it’s not what its all about.
You are pretty smart.
You could have figured this out.

But you closed your eyes.
You shuttered your ears.
You gave in
You sold us out.