There was a sad look even when she smiled.

RIPPED my 19, my blood pressure feels so bad I might just literally blow. You work your ass off, you tell your kid to clean her room or damn well get out. Its my house, and I get to decide how I want it and I am mean… HA, you think that you’ve had it rough before….fuck it, no one compares to me when I’m this worked up.  Don’t worry aunt Pam I’m sure you’ll hear what a horrible person I am very soon. I DON’T CARE. The only way there is in life to tell someone they are making horrible choices. I’m sorry but laying in bed most the day, chatting with friends doesn’t get the disgust in your room gone.

This month has been utterly terrible —hell this year has been rough. And last year, and last year. I’ve drunken too much grape juice. ha. I’m going to leak all over.

Severe mental harshness.
Some thing is just way, way wrong.
Please don’t pressure me.
For it feels as if I might break,
OOh, wait!! I remember!
It was him throwing plates.
O yes, I was really scared that day.
The day I watched my daddy beat up my mama.
It hurt so bad, I felt like I might break.
That is what happened last week.
PSTD – Peggy Staged a Truama, Dammit!
I’ve tried to tell the whole world what was wrong
There was a sad look even when she smiled.
What could be so wrong?
The people that I want to believe,
can talk up, down, and around,
And not address her shame.
How much would it cost,
To make the old and deep, dark and cold
space
be gone.
I was that little girl.
I tried to leap, but I fell down.
I am sorry for being here,
I’m sorry I really do want to go.
But, I am stuck in this deep, dark spot.
I often try to believe in God.
Sometimes I can, often can not.
I try not to say,
God let it happen.
I can not blame them.
They walked in some dark place, too.
I heard the story, of being taken behind the wood shed,
But it is ok, cause he’s MY kid.
In general, the culture of
today’s mental torture
doesn’t work.
Did I get it all wrong?
What is new,
I’m sorry about that request
Can you just hold it?
Do try to be discrete.
Something really black and deep,
creeps itself forward –
There is nothing any one can do.
The pain in that hole,
it screams
it’s command.
Why is there tomorrow?
She looks sad, even when she shares her smile.

Shit I think I just wrote my best poem….

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