One last thought for today. Kind of interesting, I guess….. Our street goes into a cross street and they make a “T” where they come together. We were turning onto our street, bringing the car home. The guy who was on our street, watched us turn on, and then made a U turn in the “T” and followed us and went by really slow past our drive way. He went up the road, turned around and went by again, looking…. on the phone… I can just imagine it….”Dude, I found where those people stuck on the mountain lives….” Geez! And I think this why? I walked into a store yesterday in south Roseburg. (Southgate) Cashier looks at me…. and then loudly (and remember I’m 1/2 deaf, so if I say it’s loud)…. “How’d you like it up there on that mountain top? Bet you were scared shitless!! God sure had his hand on you didn’t he?” He never waited for an answer… he ASSUMED he knew…. Bet, I wasn’t scared shitless!!! Not most the time anyhow. LOL
One thing that came to me today. The argument that there have been Presidents that were as ‘not perfect’ as Trump is not perfect today. Really, I get to rob a bank and get a get out of jail card for free because there was a bank robber there before me?? Or maybe the people on the other side of the isle see me, and then I’m caught, and I’m in trouble anyhow?
You know, so much of this has to do with consciousness. I was in my late 20s and early 30’s when Clinton was in office. I had two kids-one of them had behavior issues. I was going through a nasty divorce with custody issues. I had just put my step-father in jail for hurting my oldest child. I was just learning about domestic violence in all of its forms. I was going to college and pulling in good grades. My ex was not helping with child support unless the state pulled him into court and threatened him. I was a single mom for 10 years, raising 2-4 kids (depending on the time frame.) Clinton passed welfare to work, and I didn’t get to finish the higher degree I wanted which bounced between Psychology, CIS (computers), or a mix of the two. I worked two to three part time jobs at a time to keep the bills paid.
I also started my own business of working on computers to make a living I’ll tell you it was all I could do to keep my head above water. I knew about Lewinski, and I thought Clinton was a piss pour choice for President. I was happy he was impeached, and I thought HIllary should have left him. But that was not my call. What I felt at the time was appropriate I think. So, Bill Clinton was not perfect. And that means we should let Trump off the hooK?? I’m sorry that that is really poor logic and YOU need to take a critical thinking class (YES! I’ve taken one, necessary for the degree I do have.)
We have something called a social conscious. This is something that we Americans have all together…or something the whole world has together. I think the idea came about thanks to Jung. But, don’t quote me on that. Either way, the idea is that an idea has come into the minds of everyone, and everyone kind of acts on it together. What I am trying to say is that we as a society, no matter how we rationalize Mr. Trumps behavior… if we look away, turn our backs, or say there were other bad Presidents too (as if that made any of it ok!) … His BAD behavior is still bad behavior, and he’ll make a poor President because of it, and no matter what you say or do, you all know that I am right! You all choose to look the other way. And I hate to say it, but I know some who profess a love of God. That just kills me. Because often they preach good behavior for the good of society, their home, school. They then feel they have the right to judge the rest of us for all the things we have done wrong, and then they vote for Trump and make excuses for him. You simply can’t have it both ways. Life doesn’t work that way.
You can call my ideas sick. You can call me a liar. You can tell me that I am overreacting. But the truth is, you know that I’m not any of those things. All I am is a person who sees a truth, and I am pointing out to you, your hypocrisy I’m pointing out to you that you sold us down the river. That our country will not be better off by having a perpetrator for President, and a porn star for the first lady. Anyone who believes they will be good for us really needs to look deep inside themselves and question their motives, and their ethics. Because not okay, means NOT OKAY, no matter how you twist the truth!.
From Wikipedia in Regards to Trumps’ groping women below the belt: “Grabbing a woman’s vulva without consent is considered sexual assault in most jurisdictions in the United States. Many attorneys and media commentators characterized Trump’s statements as describing acts of sexual assault. Lisa Bloom, a sexual harassment expert and civil rights lawyer, stated: “Let’s be very clear, he is talking about sexual assault. He is talking about grabbing a woman’s genitals without her consent.” Trump and some of his supporters claimed that Trump was not saying he committed a sexual assault, or denied that groping is sexual assault. Journalist Emily Crockett says that this is further evidence of a trend to minimize sexual assaults against women.”
And this ok with who??? Obviously I agree with Ms. Crockett. How could so many
rationalize Mr. (ahem, no gentlemanly respect intended) Trump grabbing of
a woman below the belt let alone vote him in for President. Our society
has a sickness, and it’s healing must begin NOW!
No Melania Trump, I will NOT accept Mr. Trump’s apology.
There is NO need for me to accept the word of any person
who is a perpetrator of sexual assault!
When a woman is grabbed between the legs this is the message they receive:
I am not honored
I am given no respect
I do not matter,
my needs are derelict
There is no comfort
Everybody could see
He really didn’t give a damn
of how painful it could be.
I am not a person
I have no need for warmth
Not even human
Else he’d left me alone-
I was no better than a something
To be used over and over again,
He called me his, “Empty headed plaything.”
All that time I thought I was loved.
I was not honored
I was given no respect
How many showers later
Did it take to drive away the dirt?
It didn’t matter
All the times I asked him to stop
Once was more than enough
How many tears will it take
before you know that it was wrong.
The major conclusion-
I was not loved.
He used and abused me
And threatened more of the above.
I was not a person-
He told me I could not think
I was incapable of choosing
All that was right for me.
I was not honored
I was given no respect
I did not matter,
my needs were derelict.
©11/14/2016 Peggy Ann Rowe, All Rights Reserved.
I have friends who cannot believe my openness here on Facebook. One of the things that I respect most about our country is the Freedom of Speech. We all have the right to speak about the issues in our life or not–depending on what is best for each of us and our conscious.
There is a role that I took up years ago. I took the ‘role’ consciously and I did it publicly in that at that time, I wrote a letter to the editor of the Daily Review, a paper that reports to my hometown of Newark, California. The editor called me personally, to let me know that my name would be withheld and why, (to protect my minor child), and he also let me know that the letter was very well written.
Before I go on to tell you about my ‘role’ let me just say that on my father’s side of the family there is a history of people who willingly take a stand on issues, who take up the torch and speak the way that they know how. The most recent example that I know if is with my dad’s baby sister. She caught a school bus driver in the act of raping a mentally disabled girl in the back of the bus, on the end of her street. She held the man at gun point until the sheriff arrived. And yes, she got an award for that, but no one asked her to do this, she took it upon herself. My own father gave time and his talents to the City of Newark, and Newark Unified School District. At some point he decided to campaign for a person who was running for mayor or city council. He took me around with him from house to house, and with this small act got me interested in politics, the bottom line is that he was involved in his community. I have a cousin who died way too young, at 15 years of age from trying to huff gasoline. One of my father’s younger brothers went to high schools and parents groups to educate about huffing and it’s deadly consequences. These are just three examples, but I take on my role with the history of example before me. I am not doing anything new or contrary to what I have learned from those who have gone before me.
When I took up the role the goal was that if I helped one child, or one parent help and support said child then I have succeeded. So far, I have not consciously shirked that which I feel is a responsibility. I have written letters over the years to editors of newspapers, to sheriffs of counties, to congressmen, state representatives, and to judges. I have absolutely made more than one trip to the state capital to get through to law makers to get laws passed that would help the ‘victim’ of certain crimes. I write essays and I post them to my blog and to Facebook.
Today’s essay is about a betrayal and silence. I’m writing about a betrayal to me, and I’m writing a public correction. When I betrayed myself, I also betrayed every parent out there who was doing their absolute best to emotionally support a child hurting from a violent crime: childhood sexual abuse. It was never intentional, but keep in my mind that when I write, I write with a goal of support, or of correction, of education, and above all the goal of prevention.
In 1992 or so, I signed legal papers where I agreed to not speak about certain issues pertaining to a crime perpetrated against my daughter.
That is a pretty strong statement to make. So, let me restate my ‘role’ so that it is really clear. I made myself a voice for children and their parents. I made myself an ADVOCATE for children and women who have been a victim of a violent crime, keep in mind that by its very nature and definition includes all acts perpetrated against them such as childhood sexual abuse, and rape. I don’t really exclude speaking for men in this role, it’s just that far more little girls and women are hurt by violence.
Writing is something that I am particularly good at. It is my gift. It is how I spread ‘the word’ whatever that is each day, or week. Everything that I post on Facebook is a sanitized version of what goes onto my blog. For example, when I post this to the blog, I’ll probably be also be uploading some supporting documents. Having said all of this, IF at any time reading this becomes too much for you then by all means, close the window, turn off the computer, walk away, or unfriend me. If anyone understands what the reaction can be, it is me. Do what you need to do, do what is good for you!
Just know that I will not be silent. I cannot, because I gave myself a job a long time ago, to speak for the helpless, to help those who had no voice, to speak for them if need be, to speak and support them until they found their own voice. This means speaking about things that are really hard to hear, and things that are really hard to say.
Part of what makes my writing particularly powerful is that I write from MY own experiences. I share more today, than I did in my past because now, I can say that to some degree I have learned to overcome.
Back in 1992 I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I had been put through the wringer. I was not supported by my then husband. He was not involved in family life in any meaningful way. He came home from work, turned on the old 8086 and buried himself in what was then known as a “BBS”. Internet before there was one. I was being accused by family members of putting ideas in my daughters head, and of ‘obsessing’ on the subject of abuse. And just a little side note here, those are some of the first arguments a perpetrator will use against a victim– “how did you get those ideas in your pretty little head?” The truth of the matter was that I could not have made up the facts if I’d wanted to, my imagination was far too limited. And if you call wanting to learn everything I could about the family dynamics involved in the mess that hurt my child obsessing, then so be it. But know, I will never call that obsessing, I will call it cramming, because it was all coming too late to help my child.
I had just dropped a civil suit where I was involved in trying to collect a default judgement of 1.4 million dollars for damages, etc. on behalf of my daughter. This default judgement was made against my step-father. Since the only money that could be collected at that time would come from the homeowners insurance my mother had to be named on the suit. I never intended to take anything from her and that includes money, property, or anything else of any material worth. I wrote her and her attorney a letter saying so. I included these little details in my instructions to my attorney.
My mother hired an attorney out of San Francisco, one who advertised in the S. F. Chronicle whose specialty was to defend those charged with a sexual crime. Not only was it his specialty, he was a high end and well known attorney for those types of criminals. She went in with my step-father and filed papers to have the judgement thrown out. Because it was a default judgement, it was tossed. I continued on in the legal process because I felt I had to for my child’s sake. The judge in the criminal case had said in his closing remarks that the case had been the most under charged case he’d ever seen. Simply put the case was ugly and sick.
I dropped the civil suit over the long haul because I was exhausted. There is nothing more to say about that. Except there is. In order to do what is right by myself, my child, and all the other children and parents out there who are trying to just get through their own situation, I am choosing to not be silent anymore.
My mother filed papers for a restraining order against me. She cited happenings that I could not even remember, and at that time I doubted actually happened and I doubt it happened now. She also filed papers that said that I was a bad mother to my daughter, and that she wanted custody of her. By this time I had a baby boy. She never said I was a bad mother to him, nor did she seek custody of him. I was very naïve and uneducated in those days, and I believed she could succeed at this, and I prepared to take my children and run to Mexico.
Are you beginning to see why I might be exhausted? I dropped the civil case due to exhaustion. I dropped the civil suit because I was legally coerced in doing so. One might say, that it was a legal assault. Just because it was legal, one cannot say that it was right, not morally, not on any grounds whatsoever.
So I dropped the case, and in order to drop the case I had to sign papers saying I’d never speak of these things again. Do you see where the betrayal came in? A legal silencing. I agreed to forever remain silent about my mother and her place in the abuse of my daughter. Do you see how I betrayed myself and my child?
From that time until today I have remained relatively silent. I, would pick and choose who I spoke to because if it got back to my mother, I could end up back in court for breaking an agreement.
My husband has heard the story a few times. He has always felt that I was coerced into silence, but he never ever used the word coerced until today. Today, was the day that I realized that I was legally silenced, I had not yet realized that coercion had a thing to do with it. I now understand why I get so angry when I hear that my mother is (again) bragging about how she’s stayed out of legal trouble, and that she’s never been to jail, etc. etc. etc. It can be legal mom, but it does NOT necessarily make it right. You won’t rationalize your defense at my sake anymore.
This is ONE of MANY reasons I cannot remain silent. Silence protects perpetrators and allows them to continue their crime.
Perpetrators DEMAND silence. Perpetrators demand silence and coerce to get it. Coercion comes in many forms: violence, threats of violence, or by any other means available to them that will get them what they want. There seems to be no end to their imaginations.
In terms of my own mental health, I have been silent on too many issues for far too long. I am silent no more.
The dysfunction of my little family starts with me. The only demand I am making is that the cycle be broken, let it start with me. Helping that one child or that one parent is the goal. But to be 100% honest today it’s about why I am silent, and what I need to do for me.
So, you do what you need to do. Shut the browser window; turn off the computer, walk away, or unfriend me. It’s still my job to speak for those who cannot even if I am about 20 to 25 years late.
pars ~ 09 June 2016
CHIP Class.. We March Onward Towards the Great
We started a CHIP class about 14 weeks ago. My husband had already lost 40 lbs or so on the Sugar Buster diet. Problem is that he let that diet rationalize that it was ok to eat stuff like Salami, lunch meat, .. well you can picture it, if it had a hoof, or ate grass…and it was a protein source, he pretty much ate it with relish. (not sweet pickle relish.. just relish!) I did not even begin to ‘diet’ until we started CHIP. CHIP is, in our course at least, Complete Health Improvement Plan. It is a course about Lifestyle and how a lifestyle can affect your health. The founders, and other knowledgeable experts simply present you with the science, and they let you make up your mind. In Roseburg, Oregon–so far, the class is 18 weeks. Spread over time, it lets the ideas sink into your mind and penetrate our awareness. And it keeps us coming back so that if we decide to ‘buy in’ to what we are learning we also have a built in support system. Our class didn’t officially start until after the first two weeks had gone by–we will have the advantage of 20 weeks of CHIP guided by Dr. Charles Ross, a local doctor who teaches with flare, with heart, and with sincere energy.
I was warned by friends and even another doctor in my life. One friend, a retired nutritionist, who once worked for the VA heard about our class, and she said, “…it’s not that Ross guy teaching is it?…” She’d come to the conclusion that he was a fanatic on the edge pushing people into unhealthiness. One of my many doctors questioned the usefulness of this class. I had to admit (only 2 weeks into the class) that Dr. Ross did come close to what one might describe as the preacher at the pulpit. I told the doctor, probably all he needed was the pulpit and the image would be complete. But, you know, Dr. Ross has been very clear from the very beginning, to let us know what were his ideas, and what were CHIPs. And the more time I spend with him in class, the more I appreciate his health, his vigor, his sincerity, his wealth of knowledge, and his sincere drive to see us succeed. He is simply a man with a vision, one he has committed to, and how many of us can say that?
The class is about lifestyle. It’s about nutrition, it’s about treating yourself kindly, it’s about making good choices (you know, like: thou shalt not smoke ANYTHING.) It’s about encouraging each of us on along our journey so that we can restore our health via proper nutrition, and self-care.
My husband has lost 30 more lbs. A total of 70. In less than 20 lbs, he’ll be at his ideal weight. He was on FIVE high blood pressure pills, and now he is on one. He was on 70 units of Lantus Insulin every night. He now takes NONE. Don’t want to get too personal, but, men… it works again! My are we having fun!! If that doesn’t impress you– let me tell you, less than a year ago, we were literally waiting for him to die. His cardiologist had told him to put his house in order. There was nothing more that could be done. At 39 years of age he had his first stent. Two years later, another. At age 43, he had open heart surgery and had four grafts (by passes) on six blockages. During all his life, they found upon opening up, he’d already grown one by pass himself. At age 6, he and his older brother were found to have high cholesterol–450 was his number at 6 years old. He spent his entire youth on many experimental drugs given via UC Medical Center in San Francisco. Keep in mind this is genetic his father was dead at 34 of heart attack, his older brother died at 46 years of age, an older sister has heart issues as well. These Snyder’s in general just don’t live that long. Talk about feeling doomed.
While my husband was playing guinea pig in San Francisco, my father had his first heart attack at age 32. It was massive and killed 1/2 his heart. That was around 1970–give or take a few. A couple years later he had open heart surgery, and it was one of the first. His team at Stanford had Dr. Debakey (I hope I didn’t just really misspell his name horribly) on board as a consultant, the surgery was just that new. My dad healed very well from surgery and he went on with is life. He quit smoking, mom fed him only egg whites, but you know a lot of damage was done. Ten years later, at age 43 he had his third, and final heart attack. He was on the heart transplant list when he died. All I can tell you from this little girl perspective–is that I was an awful lot like dad, every one said I looked just like him. That must have meant that I had it too, this dreaded heart problem. I took it so seriously, that I have written each of my children goodbye letters to remind them that I love them with all my heart, and that I want them to be happy and healthy, and to have a very, very good life. I took it so seriously that when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure in my 20’s… I just knew I was doomed.. it was inevitable, and because I am of the female persuasion–I figured I’d probably be dead by 32 years of age. 32–it came and went. 43–came and went, but I did get a pacemaker to confirm my diagnosis. The doctors didn’t explain things too well, like the pacemaker pretty much fixed my problem, and that I was not in any danger of dying anytime soon. And my cath came out clean! Today, I am 53, and I have outlived all my goals, so here I set alive and looking for new goals. Maybe I should go back to school!!
So many things simply were not talked about in my house growing up. As far as I knew…. most people quit having sex by at least 32 years of age. How is that I got to 53 and still wanted a life?? Into this CHIP class we marched. The more I learned the more I recognized, the more I became afraid. This program is basically health reform as prescribed by Ellen G. White, a Seventh Day Adventist Prophet, in the mid, and late 1800’s. I know this why?? Because dad’s side of the family was 7th Dayers, and I wanted to be one too. When I tried to go on a healthy diet when much younger.. I was pretty much ridiculed by my ex husband, and bullied into giving it up. With no support from family–there is no success. My fear, I later realized was fear of failure…again (you know… I’m on a diet AGAIN).
But, I have lost 30 lbs so far. My dosage of my diabetes (type 2) medication metformin has been halved to 500 mg. 2x per day. My thyroid which has lain dormant for 16 years has suddenly started functioning again–that’s a story in and of itself let me tell you. The only thing I have to blame that on is this Lifestyle Change. Time will tell of course… OH, I forgot to mention, about 10 years ago I was diagnosed with two forms of arthritis. Both have been very painful. I have not been in pain for weeks!!!! This is NOT NORMAL. 😉 In a good sort of way, of course!
With the success I have had in about 18 weeks (total), I set myself a goal of losing another 20 lbs by class end. And I know I won’t make it because of my thyroid throwing a monkey wrench in there, but I won’t consider myself a failure because now I have the proper tools, and the support system I need to succeed. You see, Dr. Ross, has made it abundantly clear that we have joined the CHIP Lifer’s club and as long as he’s alive and kicking and facilitating a class, we can go back in with the front lines and get the shot in the arm so to speak that we need. And so, at 51 years of age, my husband is alive and LIVING. He is not sitting in a chair waiting to die. He still has blockages, he still has chest pain, but he can take a break from activities and rest and then go back to it. And at 53 years of age–I feel like– well, I just feel like I have more than a few really healthy years left to live. Sex included! Who knew!?!?
Does anyone ever stop and think, and realize… “OH, My Goodness.. Prayer answered…”
To those who have already passed judgement without experiencing it yourself, my suggestion to you is to come to a class. I can assure that you that Charlie Ross won’t mind. None of us will. Our story really isn’t a lot different from others in the class, and as long as we continue to eat our ‘rainbow’ for our meals, and stay away from that which has a face or a mother –then we will be healthy enough to tell you that we have succeeded at last–at living a very HEALTHY LIFE.
🙂 In the words of my dad… “So, how do you like them apples?”
Don Bovee in this article is a first cousin to my dad, Alvin C. Rowe.
I found this article at:
Milo Takes to the Air Waves
Two years ago Ron Myers, European Broadcasting Services manager, offered Milo Adventist Academy the opportunity to have an on-campus radio station by providing the technology and equipment for satellite uplink and transmission. Then-principal John Kriegelstein realized the potential and applied for a frequency. Don Bovee, campus industry Thunderbird Wood Products plant manager, also volunteered to help. After almost a year, the application was approved. Last summer, the local sponsors were given 18 months to get it on the air and before the deadline, 107.9 FM was broadcasting within a 20-mile radius of the school. The start-up phase consists mostly of music. Later, the music content will be reduced to 30 or 40 percent as Voice of Prophecy, Faith for Today and other programs are added. The station’s music is conservative and sacred, with the target audience being age 30 and older. Already, at least 10 students have had their voices recorded for the station. Bovee is also planning a student-produced weekly program. The students will continue to be included in many ways. One 30-minute time block each day will provide time for students and staff members to promote Milo Adventist Academy, increase awareness of the school and reveal its beliefs to the community. Though the station has only been broadcasting for a few months, it is already making an impact. Marge Wheeler, affectionately called the “Mayor of Milo,” commented, “It’s a good station. I really appreciate having it. It’s great!” She prizes having a Christian station because she doesn’t have access to 3ABN. Although Myers resides in France, he has family living near Milo and continues to support the station. He produces much of the programming overseas and sends it to Oregon via satellite. Milo’s station is Myers’ sixth at a boarding academy. Students and staff appreciate your prayers as they minister through this new instrument of evangelism. Katie Currier, MAA sophomore