eX – Marks the Spot

It sounds as if my ex is here… Here in Oregon.. I’ve had one year of 100% bliss, and now it’s over.  I keep getting calls today from a phone that comes up with the caller id as “unavailable”, I’d bet it’s him, cause from a payphone it would come up as that…  I don’t answer calls where I don’t know who it is… how in the world did we ever survive without caller id? I called is home yesterday in Cloverdale.  Got no answer machine.  I figure if I called it now, it would be disconnected.  I won’t bother. The bottom line is that he’s here now. Now, I have to share our baby, well, our seven year old girl.  And you know that’s not so bad, except that he’s got so many problems, and I don’t want to deal with all the extra stuff that goes with it. Like.. when he asks me for money, or when he wants to see his daughter but can’t feed her and expects me to provide groceries.  Last time I took her to see him in Cloverdale, he wanted to take her to pizza, but btw, Peggy, do you have money so I can buy her pizza.  The answer is and will forever be no, but he doesn’t listen. He just asks…. He was born with a neurological problem.  I had no idea what that meant when I met him.  I just knew he was disabled and compared him to my father who had had a heart attack.  My mother stuck it out with him until he left her.  So, I knew I could love a disabled person.  LOL! But, what he is, and the diagnosis came after my little girl was born, is a form of high functioning autism, Asperger’s Syndrome.  He’s impossible to live with especially if he gets overwhelmed.  At that point, he gets impulsive, compulsive, and violent. After his father died, and our daughter was born, I found out how he really was.  I decided during the pregnancy that I didn’t want to live with him anymore.  After she was born, I was actually his guardian for awhile, while we tried to get him help through a non profit.  They would have helped him with handling his money and so forth, and believe me, he needs it.  I was gonna get him the help and get the hell out of there, but they turned him down… as the years went by he became more and more dependant, and more violent. He eventually, blackmailed me when I finally got him tossed out for snorting his ritalin.. Yes, people snort their ritalin.  He promised me if I Didn’t let him back into the home, he’d tell the system that I was taking money under the table.  At the time I was collecting state insurance for the kids, and maybe food stamps.  I was so ashamed and afraid, that I’d go to jail that I let him back in. I look back and realize how silly I was.  I didn’t bring in a lot of money, we were barely surviving… but I got scared and that was that… It took me another year to get rid of him.  To do that, I had to find him a place to live, and then… I had to pretend to find a house I was buying and tell him flat out that he wasn’t going with me.  Once I had him out, he still expected me to take care of him…. for example, he was out of heating fuel for months…  and didn’t get any until I found out that Salvation Army would help him and fixed him up.  Because we have a child together, he has felt in the past at least, that I was obligated to take care of him. Bull shit! is what I say to that.. i will not take care of him any more.  He’s moved up here, and probably doesn’t have a place to live yet (any one know where there is section 8 housing that will accept a 46 year old man, with a 19 year old, probably developmentally delayed girlfriend, and two dogs and a cat?).  I expect anytime for them to show up at our door step looking as pathetic as possible looking for a tent in our yard… and the answer will be a resounding NO.  I found out too late, that Oregon does not add state funds to the federal funds that SSI recipients get from Social Security. So to top it all off, his monthly income is going to go down by around $200.00 a month…. all the more reason I’m sure for him to let me know how hungry he is… And he is fighting for at least partial custody of our child!  And the state will probably give it to him, there is no accounting for governmental idiocy… enough… for now.. I’ve typed more here today than I have the whole time I’ve had the account! Have a good one.. Peg

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Stressed… The Understatement

The boyfriend that never was..,
It sounds as if my ex is here… Here in Oregon..

I’ve had one year of 100% bliss, and now it’s over.  I keep getting calls today from a phone that comes up with the caller id as “unavailable”, I’d bet it’s him, cause from a payphone it would come up as that…  I don’t answer calls where I don’t know who it is… how in the world did we ever survive without caller id?

I called is home yesterday in Cloverdale.  Got no answer machine.  I figure if I called it now, it would be disconnected.  I won’t bother.

The bottom line is that he’s here now. Now, I have to share our baby, well, our seven year old girl.  And you know that’s not so bad, except that he’s got so many problems, and I don’t want to deal with all the extra stuff that goes with it.

Like.. when he asks me for money, or when he wants to see his daughter but can’t feed her and expects me to provide groceries.  Last time I took her to see him in Cloverdale, he wanted to take her to pizza, but btw, Peggy, do you have money so I can buy her pizza.  The answer is and will forever be no, but he doesn’t listen. He just asks….

He was born with a neurological problem.  I had no idea what that meant when I met him.  I just knew he was disabled and compared him to my father who had had a heart attack.  My mother stuck it out with him until he left her.  So, I knew I could love a disabled person.  LOL!

But, what he is, and the diagnosis came after my little girl was born, is a form of high functioning austim, Asperger’s Syndrome.  He’s impossible to live with especially if he gets overwhelmed.  At that point, he gets impulsive, compulsive, and violent. After his father died, and our daughter was born, I found out how he really was.

I decided during the pregnancy that I didn’t want to live with him anymore.  After she was born, I was actually his guardian for awhile, while we tried to get him help through a non profit.  They would have helped him with handling his money and so forth, and believe me, he needs it.  I was gonna get him the help and get the hell out of there, but they turned him down… as the years went by he became more and more dependant, and more violent.

He eventually, black mailed me when I finally got him tossed out for snorting his ritalin.. Yes, people snort their ritalin.  He promised me if I Didn’t let him back into the home, he’d tell the system that I was taking money under the table.  At the time I was collecting state insurance for the kids, and maybe food stamps.  I was so ashamed and afraid, that I’d go to jail that I let him back in. I look back and realize how silly I was.  I didn’t bring in a lot of money, we were barely surviving… but I got scared and that was that…

It took me another year to get rid of him.  To do that, I had to find him a place to live, and then… I had to pretend to find a house I was buying and tell him flat out that he wans’t going with me.

Once I had him out, he still expected me to take care of him…. for example, he was out of heating fuel for months…  and didn’t get any until I found out that Salvation Army would help him and fixed him up.  Because we have a child together, he has felt in the past at least, that I was obligated to take care of him.

Bull shit! is what I say to that.. i will not take care of him any more.  He’s moved up here, and probably doesn’t have a place to live yet (any one know where there is section 8 housing that will accept a 46 year old man, with a 19 year old, probably developementally delayed girlfriend, and two dogs and a cat?).  I expect anytime for them to show up at our door step looking as pathetic as possible looking for a tent in our yard… and the answer will be a resounding NO.

I found out too late, that Oregon does not add state funds to the federal funds that SSI recipents get from Social Security. So to top it all off, his monthly income is going to go down by around $200.00 a month…. all the more reason I’m sure for him to let me know how hungry he is…

And he is fighting for at least partial custody of our child!  And the state will probably give it to him, there is no accounting for govermental idocy…

enough… for now.. I’ve typed more here today than I have the whole time I’ve had the account!

Have a good one.. Peg

A moan and a groan…

Can I use a blog to bitch??!!  My kids don’t read this anyways! I just found out a few minutes ago, that my ex husband made it clear that it wasn’t worth his time to drive up here to Oregon to see his son for a two hour visitation.

What???!!!  Hello??  I just wonder what is worth anything at all to him.  Is there anything on this planet that he actually cares about, respects, or is worth his time?

After I moved up here to Roseburg, I drove down to California (that is NINE hours one way) to see my son. My visits with him while he was in the group home were often for less than 48 hours.  What is a child worth? One month, Sonoma County flew him home for a week, I had to drive four hours to pick him up at Portland Airport.  And, geez… while I was down there, my husband paid for gas, food, etc. while I ran around and did my thing with my son.  My husband who has known Wesley for two whole years shows that boy more respect and love than his own father does.

By the way, his father would not drive three hours to see him when he was in the same state either, and has not seen Wesley for at least two years now.  What does it take?

And as angry as I am for my son, (not like this is a new complaint here, just a new version of an old bitch)… the hurt when this all sinks in with the kids… the thought just makes me want to literaly cry.

I met him when I was 15 years old, and totally stupid myself.  But, I do wish I had waited until I was older and smarter and CHOSEN a better father for my children.  A thousand apologies, will never make up for the bad choices I have made either.

Ok nuff of that, just wanted to moan and groan, and I wish I could huff and puff and just blow his stupid house down!  Love ya all, Peg